Thursday 31 December 2015

New year - new you?

New years eve. That time where we all try and kid ourselves that next year we're going to fundamentally change our personalities and take up hobbies that we definitely don't have time for.

Depressing isn't it? That choice you have between being ambitious and being a realist at new year?

Why can't new years resolutions be kinder? Why aren't we kinder to ourselves when making them?

I've always found it really upsetting that at time that should be about hope and opportunity we as a society choose to focus on the things we don't like about ourselves rather than the things we do.

Honestly - how many of you have 'lose weight' as a goal this year? Or go to the gym more? How many of you have the word 'less' in front of something you enjoy and 'more' in front of something you don't.

Doesn't this strike you as a bit self hating?

Don't get me wrong I'm not anti- self improvement. Quite the opposite. This whole challenge has been about learning about myself more, and being mindful about my actions. But I haven't approached it from the point of view that there is something fundamentally wrong with me that needs fixing, just that actually perhaps I could be happier and that would be a good thing.

So I'm interested in unpicking our new years resolutions, to ensure they are about us feeling happier next year rather than being motivated by guilt.

So if you want to lose weight - why? Losing weight in itself feels like a bit of a superficial goal -doesn't it? I'm sure there is more to it than that. Is it that you want to love your body again, feel healthy or be fit enough to take that hiking trip you've always fancied. Do you need to lose weight to get insurance to do that parachute jump, or to dance at your son or daughters wedding? Brilliant - you can work on that, and maybe losing weight be a part of acheiving that goal. But it isn't an end in itself and treating it like it is will just reinforce all your negative feelings about yourself and make it harder to keep your resolution! Don't do this to yourself. Don't start your your year setting yourself up to fail.

Set yourself up to succeed. If you don't like the gym then please don't make your resolution to go more. Find some exercise you like: walking, trampolining, dancing, sex. There are loads of ways to work up a sweat - there is bound to be one you enjoy - find it.

One of my friends a couple of years ago made her resolution to go to the theatre every month. She said she felt guilty because she lived in London and never took advantage of it. When I asked her why she didn't do that now she said, that honestly when it came down to it she'd rather spend her money doing something where she could have a laugh with her friends. I told her she should get a new resolution - like maybe to stopping feeling guilty about London's cultural highlights not making her as happy as hanging out with people she loves. Or maybe that her resolution should be to spend  more time with her friends, if that's what she really wanted.

Lots of you having been reading this blog regularly for 7 months now, and so as a little (late) Christmas present to you here's a list of new years resolutions that could make you happier next year...

This year you could decide to:
  1. Stop worrying about why people like you and just accept that they do.
  2.  Make decisions based on joy rather than guilt
  3. Choose to do things that you enjoy, Rather than things that make good stories
  4. Allocate a bit of time every day that is just for you, to do as you like with
  5. Accept there isn't time for you to do everything you'd like to. And that that is true for everyone else you know too.
  6. Let people you love and admire know what it is you love about them.
  7. Stop comparing yourself to other people.
  8. Spend more time with people who make you laugh out loud (or in my case snort).
  9. Spend less time with ( and thinking about) people that make you unhappy.
  10. Examine your habits. And stop the ones that don't add to your happiness (I'm never ironing a sheet again)
  11. Be kinder to yourself. That advice you give people you love about taking it easy, not judging themselves so harshly, choosing to see the good. That applies to you too - take it.
  12. Accept you won't always be your best self. And when you're not recognise it, make the apologies you need to and then brush yourself of and move on. Perfection is too much to ask of anyone especially yourself.
I'm going to try to do all these things next year, and sometimes I'll manage it and sometimes I won't. But at least I'm sure that I won't have started the year making promises to myself that I can't keep.

I hope 2016 is wonderful for you all. 

And if you wanted a manageable resolution, how does a 1 month challenge in February sound? Contact a Family are doing a mini challenge based on my year long one called 15 for February. It's going to be a lot of fun and you can find out about it here. (there is a very silly vid of me and my mate Bella there too)

Tuesday 29 December 2015

Christmas without clothes

Ok that's a misleading post title.

I didn't sprend Christmas naked. My parents were round - it would have been weird. 

But I didn't get anything new either. 

As you know the year long challenge I'm taking limits me to 35 items of clothing all year. I bought items number 30 & 31 at the end of November ( a cashmere polo neck &  a flannel shirt), and didn't get anything at all in December.

And it felt a little weird - because December is normally a big spending month for me. I don't know if I'm alone in this - but December for me is all about cosy. This means every year I follow a shopping pattern as predictable as those of migrating birds - normally I buy:
  • some kind of loungewear made of super fluffy fleece
  •  a knitted dress
  • some kind of knitwear that is glittery
I love these things passionately for a couple of weeks. and then I never wear them again. They get charity shopped come March and then I re buy them the next December. 

It wasteful I know - but honestly I'd never conciously noticed that I did it until this year when I couldn't.

One of the things the capsule challenge has really helped me with is impulse control. I'm just less inclined to buy things on a whim when I know that whim will need to be in constant use for the next 5 months. So when I've found myself thinking I want something, I've asked myself what places and what months it'd work in and more often than not I realise it's a dumb choice. I really , really hope this attitude lasts me beyond the challenge because it'll save me a lot of money & the environment a lot of landfill if it does.

So has my Christmas been any less cosy because I didn't get any new clothes?

You know it really hasn't. Pretty much every day since finishing work I've worn one of my 2 pairs of jeans with one of my 3 shirts. I've felt relaxed and comfy & when I've wanted to snuggle down in something soft I've put on my cashmere jumper and snuggled down in that. And it is much MUCH softer than any fleecy or glittery winter top.

Cosy washing up gear


Which is actually a bit of an unexpected advantage to the capsule. You simply can't afford to save anything for best - so the precious lovely things I own are actually getting worn!

My Christmas was gorgeous folks - and I hope yours was too. 

And if you are feeling overflowing with Christmas generousity still - then remember what this challenge is actually about - fighting the disadvantage that families of Disabled children face and give the gift of a donation here.

Take care

Friday 11 December 2015

It is possible to overthink a capsule wardrobe



So it’s been nearly 3 weeks since my last post. It turns out that getting ready to take a 6 week holiday from work is in fact a lot of work. I’ve been totally consumed by getting everything that’s in my head down on paper and as a result haven’t been able face going near a computer when I get home.

But I’m back now and in the time since we last spoke I’ve been super busy, and have added 3 new items to the capsule. This takes me up to a (kind of scarey) 31. I have just over 5 months left and less than 5 items to add, if it didn't feel real before the challenge certainly feels it now.

So as usual each new item comes with a bit of a story so:

Sometimes I feel like doing this year long capsule wardrobe challenge has been a bit like joining a cult. My mind has become so filled with the capsule rules that I lose track of all logical thought. This was definitely the case when it came to thinking about winter. One of the big things that people who write about capsule wardrobes tell you is to really think about how many different ways you can use any item in your wardrobe. 

And I really took that on board. My trusty mac has been with me everywhere this year, and I fully intended to use it as my winter coat as well – just with loads more layers underneath it than I use in summer. I figured that with a couple of jumpers underneath, a hat, scarfe and gloves it would be perfect.

Then on the coldest day yet this year I found myself crouched over shivering whilst waiting for a train and began to think again. I’d left myself space for gloves and a hat in the capsule – but it was becoming increasingly clear that toasty wrists would mean nothing if I could feel the cold in my internal organs.

I started to talk to my friends about ‘glove alternatives’. I was still really wedded to the mac as my outer layer for winter, so I started thinking about those winter tops that have super long sleeves with thumb holes in them as an option that doubled up as gloves. I even went as far as trying a couple on. 

I’d put them on and frown at myself in the mirror at how not to my taste they were. And then try my mac on over the top to see how that would look. This had 2 main outcomes:

1)      me getting assigned my very own not at all subtle security guard watching to check I wasn’t trying to steal anything and,

2)      a tiny bit of my soul dying as I tried to force myself to buy something I hated in the full knowledge that I’d end up wearing it every day all winter.

So I went home and cried. And my lovely husband (who is fast growing tired of this whole challenge) listened to me frowned for a bit and said: “ let me get this straight, you think you need to buy this ugly top that you have because it’ll keep your body and hands warm in winter and it’s only one item right?”

“Yes” I snivel whilst blowing my nose on my sleeve and generally acting like the world is about to end.

“And you think this is the only option, because you need to be warm, and it’ll fit under your mac so you’ll be dry too?”

“Yes” I sniff feeling conflicted about whether to be distressed about the horror of what I’m going to have to wear all winter, or smug about how clever my solution is.

“But wouldn’t a proper winter coat do all those things?”

Which is how I ended up buying a parka.

It is waterproof, faux down filled, it has multiple massive pockets, a button off padded hood and extra bonus - I don’t hate it.

So here’s my coat – I’ve worn it every day since I bought it three weeks ago – and it’ll probably get worn every day (except when I’m out of the country) until April. 




While you’re thinking about how I stay warm. Think about how difficult it is for families to ensure they keep themselves and their families warm on a limited budget. I started this challenge because I was disgusted to realise how many families of disabled children go without heating or clothing in order to meet the extra costs of raising a Disabled child. Contact A Family are working tirelessly to change this. If you want to make a donation you can do so here.