Now I'm not the most tactile of people. I can know you pretty well and like you a lot and still have less than no interest in hugging you.
I hold my right to decide who I have physical contact with and when very sacred. I am that person who won't hug a child if they are told to hug me - but only if they want to - because you know what? Hugs are only good if there is mutual consent.
When I want a hug and when I'll allow it is pretty unpredictable. The lady we rented an apartment from for 1 night in Croatia who didn't speak a word of English, massive hug to say goodbye. Some people I've been friends with for years - never hugged them, would literally rear way and offer a hand to shake if they tried!
But I do know the value of a good hug. A really good hug is better than any medicine created. A hug that doesn't seek to give, or take, to change or influence - but is quite simply two people squeezing to show mutual affection and comfort is a really wonderful thing.
Sometimes hugs don't obviously contribute to your immediate happiness. In fact when things are rubbish, I often find the immediate affect of a good hug is to make me cry. To make me quite literally collapse into someone else's arms. But if you've ever been really sad you 'll know that there is the benefit to a good hug. That someone will quite literally hold you up when you're collapsing. That they may not be able to change your situation or change a single bloody thing for you - but they will while you need it keep you from falling to the floor.
And then for me, when things are better, I remember those hugs and they make me feel braver, more confident, and safer because I know that people are essentially good and that I am not alone.
Of course hugs aren't only good when you are sad. I love a big squeeze from a good friend I haven't seen in a while, and I can physically feel myself calm and de-stress when Matt & I have a hug when I get home from work. There are some friends that I'm always hugging just out of the pure joy that they exist.
I think the thing with hugs for me is that that are essentially giving - you don't hold people for your own sense of self in the way you can with some physical comforts. No-one has ever had a revenge hug, a sports hug or indeed a rebound hug. Because it doesn't have a status, there is no permanence - it's an in the moment expression of support or joy.
And that's why at the right time, from the right person a hug is one of my secrets to happy.
I hold my right to decide who I have physical contact with and when very sacred. I am that person who won't hug a child if they are told to hug me - but only if they want to - because you know what? Hugs are only good if there is mutual consent.
When I want a hug and when I'll allow it is pretty unpredictable. The lady we rented an apartment from for 1 night in Croatia who didn't speak a word of English, massive hug to say goodbye. Some people I've been friends with for years - never hugged them, would literally rear way and offer a hand to shake if they tried!
But I do know the value of a good hug. A really good hug is better than any medicine created. A hug that doesn't seek to give, or take, to change or influence - but is quite simply two people squeezing to show mutual affection and comfort is a really wonderful thing.
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| Sisterly hug with Noo |
Sometimes hugs don't obviously contribute to your immediate happiness. In fact when things are rubbish, I often find the immediate affect of a good hug is to make me cry. To make me quite literally collapse into someone else's arms. But if you've ever been really sad you 'll know that there is the benefit to a good hug. That someone will quite literally hold you up when you're collapsing. That they may not be able to change your situation or change a single bloody thing for you - but they will while you need it keep you from falling to the floor.
And then for me, when things are better, I remember those hugs and they make me feel braver, more confident, and safer because I know that people are essentially good and that I am not alone.
Of course hugs aren't only good when you are sad. I love a big squeeze from a good friend I haven't seen in a while, and I can physically feel myself calm and de-stress when Matt & I have a hug when I get home from work. There are some friends that I'm always hugging just out of the pure joy that they exist.
I think the thing with hugs for me is that that are essentially giving - you don't hold people for your own sense of self in the way you can with some physical comforts. No-one has ever had a revenge hug, a sports hug or indeed a rebound hug. Because it doesn't have a status, there is no permanence - it's an in the moment expression of support or joy.
 |
| Face licking isn't an entirely necessary part of hugging.... |
And that's why at the right time, from the right person a hug is one of my secrets to happy.
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