People have had a massive range of reactions to this idea. One ill advised friend, blunt and (to be fair to her) drunk at the time we were talking about it gasped "Are you getting divorced?", other people have more subtly checked in that we're OK, some couples have shivered at the very idea of spending that much time apart, some think we're brave, lots of people have suggested that Matt is basically a saint for 'letting me' go, and my very closest friends have nodded sagely and understood that this is a really important thing.
Matt and I are not getting divorced (or at least not to my knowledge- I'm not a fortune teller, so I make no guarantees), and I am not going away without him to get away from him at all. But when I look back over our relationship I realised that this trip, and my ability to go on it without guilt, says a lot about how nearly 15 years into our friendship, and 14 years of being a couple we are still so happy.
If I could boil our relationship down to one salient fact I would say it is this: we are two people. Obvious right?
But remembering we are two people and not one couple is very important to us. Matt and I have loads in common, but there are also things I enjoy that he is deeply uninterested in (ballet, talking about politics, going to parties), and the same is true the other way around (video games, red stripe, horror films). And that's only a problem if we think of ourselves as a single unit.
So when I wanted to take some time out from work to reevaluate what I want to do with my life, it didn't make sense to bring Matt along. Matt doesn't massively want to go back to India at the moment, neither of us are comfortable leaving the dog for that long, and what I'm going away to think about doesn't involve him. Our life doesn't need reevaluating - we know we're happy together, we have shared aspirations about our future, our home and our family. But what I want to do with my career and how I want to use my brain - That's a decision that is personal to me. And inviting Matt to take part in that process with me is unhelpful for both of us - it's immaterial what Matt thinks I might enjoy doing during the day, it genuinely is all about me.
And I am lucky in Matt in that he is self aware and self confident enough to know this. To know that I can and should make this type of decision without his input, and to not feel threatened by that.
And he never has - we'd been married nearly 3 years when I moved to London ahead of him, and every year since we've been married I've taken at least one trip abroad with friends. And it's really good for us. Because when I'm away from him I have a chance to reflect on what he adds to my life and see that for the value that it really has. We aren't a couple that go for big romantic gestures, but we do express our love for one another daily and in ways that help the other one be OK with themselves. No one makes me laugh as much as Matt, or fully gets my wonky sense of humour. We have 15 years of shared jokes, shared memories, and shared friendships - and we know that we both have contributed different unique things to that shared pot. It's being different that makes our life together so much fun!
And so I'm really excited about this trip without him. And the best thing about going away without the person you're in love with? You get to look forward to coming home to them.
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| I mean look at this dude. Who wouldn't miss him! |
Just because I'm taking a month off doesn't mean everyone else at Contact A Family is - so if you haven't donated yet you can do so here.
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