New year - new you?

New years eve. That time where we all try and kid ourselves that next year we're going to fundamentally change our personalities and take up hobbies that we definitely don't have time for.

Depressing isn't it? That choice you have between being ambitious and being a realist at new year?

Why can't new years resolutions be kinder? Why aren't we kinder to ourselves when making them?

I've always found it really upsetting that at time that should be about hope and opportunity we as a society choose to focus on the things we don't like about ourselves rather than the things we do.

Honestly - how many of you have 'lose weight' as a goal this year? Or go to the gym more? How many of you have the word 'less' in front of something you enjoy and 'more' in front of something you don't.

Doesn't this strike you as a bit self hating?

Don't get me wrong I'm not anti- self improvement. Quite the opposite. This whole challenge has been about learning about myself more, and being mindful about my actions. But I haven't approached it from the point of view that there is something fundamentally wrong with me that needs fixing, just that actually perhaps I could be happier and that would be a good thing.

So I'm interested in unpicking our new years resolutions, to ensure they are about us feeling happier next year rather than being motivated by guilt.

So if you want to lose weight - why? Losing weight in itself feels like a bit of a superficial goal -doesn't it? I'm sure there is more to it than that. Is it that you want to love your body again, feel healthy or be fit enough to take that hiking trip you've always fancied. Do you need to lose weight to get insurance to do that parachute jump, or to dance at your son or daughters wedding? Brilliant - you can work on that, and maybe losing weight be a part of acheiving that goal. But it isn't an end in itself and treating it like it is will just reinforce all your negative feelings about yourself and make it harder to keep your resolution! Don't do this to yourself. Don't start your your year setting yourself up to fail.

Set yourself up to succeed. If you don't like the gym then please don't make your resolution to go more. Find some exercise you like: walking, trampolining, dancing, sex. There are loads of ways to work up a sweat - there is bound to be one you enjoy - find it.

One of my friends a couple of years ago made her resolution to go to the theatre every month. She said she felt guilty because she lived in London and never took advantage of it. When I asked her why she didn't do that now she said, that honestly when it came down to it she'd rather spend her money doing something where she could have a laugh with her friends. I told her she should get a new resolution - like maybe to stopping feeling guilty about London's cultural highlights not making her as happy as hanging out with people she loves. Or maybe that her resolution should be to spend  more time with her friends, if that's what she really wanted.

Lots of you having been reading this blog regularly for 7 months now, and so as a little (late) Christmas present to you here's a list of new years resolutions that could make you happier next year...

This year you could decide to:

1. Stop worrying about why people like you and just accept that they do.
2.  Make decisions based on joy rather than guilt
3. Choose to do things that you enjoy, Rather than things that make good stories
4. Allocate a bit of time every day that is just for you, to do as you like with
5. Accept there isn't time for you to do everything you'd like to. And that that is true for everyone else you know too.
6. Let people you love and admire know what it is you love about them.
7. Stop comparing yourself to other people.
8. Spend more time with people who make you laugh out loud (or in my case snort).
9. Spend less time with ( and thinking about) people that make you unhappy.
10. Examine your habits. And stop the ones that don't add to your happiness (I'm never ironing a sheet again)
11. Be kinder to yourself. That advice you give people you love about taking it easy, not judging themselves so harshly, choosing to see the good. That applies to you too - take it.
12. Accept you won't always be your best self. And when you're not recognise it, make the apologies you need to and then brush yourself of and move on. Perfection is too much to ask of anyone especially yourself.

I'm going to try to do all these things next year, and sometimes I'll manage it and sometimes I won't. But at least I'm sure that I won't have started the year making promises to myself that I can't keep.

I hope 2016 is wonderful for you all. 

And if you wanted a manageable resolution, how does a 1 month challenge in February sound? Contact a Family are doing a mini challenge based on my year long one called 15 for February. It's going to be a lot of fun and you can find out about it here. (there is a very silly vid of me and my mate Bella there too)