Why flimsy falling apart clothes ARE a feminist issue

Those of you that have been following my challenge so far will know that I'm starting to fret about the impact that general wear and tear could have on my ability to manage the full year whilst looking (passably) respectable.

I really don't want to have to go to work in t-shirts with holes in them or anything that has gone limp as a result of too many washes. So I've been asking myself: why do my clothes last so much less time than Matt's?

Seriously.

I work from home or in the office, and he works on a building site. He has 1 pair of jeans, one suit ,some site trousers and a handful of tops. I have (or had) a gazillion items of clothing. So Matt was wearing his clothes more often than me, asked more of them in terms of toughness, and they still lasted longer than mine.

How can this be?

I did a bit of a poll of my friends and it turns out this isn't unique to Matt & I. My friends with a reasonable amount of clothes say their clothes wear out faster than their partners and those who (like me) normally have overflowing wardrobes also say that those clothes they wear regularly tend to fall to bits, and actually lots of women talked about having bought clothes that barely survived one wash. The only exceptions I can find to the falling apart clothes trend amongst my friendship group are the ladies that tend to wear unisex clothing and those that wear vintage.

But none of my male friends said the same about their clothes. In fact several proudly crowed about still wearing t-shirts they bought when they were in their teens and early twenties.

So do women get sold clothes that are worse quality than men's and if so why?

Well (as usual) I think I have a theory. 

My male friends buy less clothes (as a rule) than my female friends. And they expect them to last - so they buy on the basis of quality and manafacturures respond to that. Matt still whinges about a pair of jeans he bought 7 years ago that only lasted one year, and I'm confident he will never buy that brand again. 

One of the reasons men buy less clothes is because mens fashions change much more slowly and subtly than womens. There is no appreciable difference between 'this years shirt' and 'last years' shirt - so why not keep wearing last years?

But women's fashions leap around year to year, with cuts, colours and fabrics coming in and out of trend season apon season. And women buy new clothes in order to keep up, creating a lot more churn in our wardobes. From a manufacturers point of veiw if we're only going to wear an item for one season why invest money in a manufacturing it to last any longer?

The interesting bit of this for me is this- who is it that actually wants us to change our style 2 or 3 times a year? It's not to our benefit as women to have to worry about how to pull off cullotes or Bardot tops for goodness sakes. But it does benefit businesses - manufacturers, retailers, and all of the other industries that blossom around selling us more and different things. And it benefits them because it allows them to make money.

I don't think businesses like womens money more than men's either - I think they'd have boys wearing purple pvc in spring and and felted onesies in autumn if they thought they could make money out of it. But they can't, because men have always been judged by who they are and what they do and so they don't rest their self esteem on fitting in with the way 'everyone' looks this season.

It's different for us as women. It's only a couple of generations back that a good wife was seen and not heard, with the emphasis on seen. The way to tell if a man had good taste, or a good income was to look to his wife, was she pretty, obedient, was she wearing the latest style? Men are (like it or not) still judged by society on the appropriateness of the women on their arms.

And we as women, are emerging blinking into a society that is just beginning to recognise that our value is greater than the compliments that our husbands recieve about us. We're still objectified, our intellect is of far less interest to the media than our boyfriends, babies, diets and shoes. Our mothers have taught us what it is to be appropriate, to dress appropriately and respectably, as their mothers taught them, and their mother's mothers before that.

And so we buy into wearing what everyone is wearing - because fitting in is only polite. And if what everyone is wearing changes season apon season then naturally so is what we wear. And so as a result we get sold crap as men get sold quality.

What to do? Here are the three things that we women could do to change this.

1. Work out what we feel good wearing, and then only buy that. Screw what everyone else is wearing.
2. Complain in writing (& on social media) when our clothes fall apart, and then don't shop in those stores again.
3. Promote the labels that do last, by telling people about them, investing in them again next time and letting them know they've done well.

The only way we get clothes that last is by demonstrating with our shopping habits that that is what is valuable to us and profitable to stores.

Because fashion itself isn't sexist - our culture is. And culture is people and we as people can shape it. So let's.

What do you think?

Liking yourself is a rebellious act

So yesterday marked the 3 month point on my challenge. I am now a quarter of the way through the year, halfway to my funding target and 66% through my wardrobe allocation.What I've worn every day so far can be found on the Day by Day page.

I thought I'd think less about clothes while living through this challenge - but actually I find myself thinking about them more. I notice myself looking at people on the tube and asking myself what they are communicating (both intentionally and unintentionally) through what they choose to wear.

One of the things I've found myself really enjoying are people who are really enjoying being creative with their look and just seem really bloody comfortable with themselves in it. I found this awesome image which basically covers why I like seeing this so much over on Broadist's blog

(image belongs to hugclub)

I think this image could be a bit of a talisman for everyone when shopping, to remind us to ask ourselves; "Am I buying this because I feel inadequate and think it'll make me more acceptable or because it'll bring me actual pleasure?", and then to only buy the stuff that will actually bring us joy.

What do you think?

Uniforms, self expression and the importance of choice

I’m aware that over the last couple of weeks of the challenge I’ve talked lots about how not being able to shop is doing me good. I’ve done posts about emotional shopping, and about wasting money trying to look like someone else. I stand by those posts and the lessons I learned writing them. 

That said I’m a bit worried that I may (inadvertently) have given you the impression I think that clothes and personal style are unimportant, trivial even. And that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Choosing what we wear every morning is one of the key acts of control we take over our lives. And whether you consider yourself into fashion or not, whatever you chose to put on your body today does say something about you. 

The reason that I chose this challenge is because I value personal expression so much, and use clothes to both express and hide myself. I’m hoping the challenge will support me to dress more authentically, but I don’t want to break my relationship with clothes. I value the opportunities for non verbal communication they provide.

Recently I’ve read loads of interesting articles about uniforms. These articles talk about people taking an active choice to limit what they are wearing to one particular look, even in some cases exact copies of the same items worn every day. 

There is an evolution in the increasingly popular choice to find one look and stick with it that I find beautiful and fascinating. It’s not just about saving time and energy.  I love that by adopting a uniform people are subverting something that is traditionally externally imposed  on us (by our schools, workplaces & prisons) and claiming it as a symbol of their uniqueness. 

Throughout history uniforms have been used to strip people of their individuality, identify them as a type and essentially dehumanise them. From traditional maids outfits designed to make your ‘staff’ indistinguishable from each other, to the harrowing examples of the striped pyjamas of holocaust victims, uniforms make it easier to ask things of or do things to people than it would be if we saw them as fully rounded human beings. And if you are not sure this follows check out the way staff are treated next time you go into a fast food restaurant. Do you think these guys get treated with that dismissiveness , distain and outright rudeness when they are dressed in their civvies? Of course not. Like it or not clothes are used to delineate status, and we humans are total arsewipes when it comes to the way we treat people we believe to have lower status than us.

I can’t pretend it doesn’t worry me that the people I tend to see in uniforms are people who we are asking to work for less than a living wage, people who we expect to obey orders without question and children and young people in their educational settings (yes I’m aware my first 2 points also apply to children and young people – they get a bit of a raw deal no?).

Those of us who get to choose what we wear to work are really privileged, we are offered the opportunity to choose things that fit us, are comfortable on us and express whatever we want to say about ourselves. Showing up to work in trackie bottoms is just as powerful a statement as wearing high heels and lipstick every day. And we are super lucky to be able to make that choice. 

It’s just a shame that that choice has turned into a brilliant marketing opportunity for clothing companies, who’ve gotten really good at getting us to spend money on stuff that doesn’t express who we are, but instead a sense of ‘now’ that is transitory and leads to us constantly updating our wardrobes rather than confidently choosing what our look is and sticking with it.

That’s why I totally admire people who are make really strong choices about what they like to wear and stick with that.  For example Matilda Kahl wears a white silk shirt and black trousers to work everyday,. She decided she had better things to think about than what to put on every morning, and  says her career and self worth are blossoming as a result of the time and energy she is saving.  She is – in her own way raising the social value of wearing a uniform. And yes it’s a chosen uniform – but I hope there is a translation there to the way we feel about everyone who dresses in a consistent way whether that is chosen or not.

Clothes are important, to how we are seen by others and to how we see ourselves. And we can make the best of this by taking the good and leaving the bad. We can choose to wear what we feel comfortable in as often as we can, and by seeing past the uniforms other people wear to the human being – worthy of respect-  that is wearing it.

Or to put it simply – don’t wear things that chafe or give you blisters (unless that’s your thing…..) and don’t be an arsewipe to the girl serving you your burger, or the guy cleaning the street you live on. Clothes tell you a little something about the person wearing them – but not enough. To know someone you need to know them.

And those of you that know me will know I’ve been getting my hugely impractical polka dot dress out to look at everyday this week. I know I can’t put it in the capsule, it’s too fragile and it doesn’t go with anything. You can help me to resist temptation and stay strong with a bit of sponsorship. Here’s the link.  

And this is that frock I'm missing (and my gorgeous neice)

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What does the way I shop say about me?

So since last week’s emotional shopping incident I’ve been thinking a lot about what is in my wardrobe and the reasons I buy things. I wondered what my shopping habits said about me and what impact this 12 month long challenge might have on me.

And here’s what I came up with:

I don’t like to feel negative emotions

Ok so at this point I guess you are thinking:

 a) no one likes to feel negative emotions   
and
 b) didn’t you cover this last week?

But what I mean is that it’s not just that I don’t like to feel these emotions but actually that I don’t let myself. And that’s crucial because most of the really emotionally healthy people I know let themselves experience what they are feeling.

I don’t. I distract myself, I don’t want to talk about it, or think about it. So I choose the one activity where I can successfully do neither – shopping.

No wonder I hate Oxford Street. It turns out I exclusively go there when I feel rubbish. I went back over every crappy day I remember in the last few years and where did I find myself at the end of it? Shopping.

I estimate about 50% of my clothes are misery garbs. Which is, you know, delightful.

I’m weirdly over concerned with what is expected of me

What does smart casual mean? What does one wear to a christening? To the ballet? To a house party in Dalston or a Hoxton club night?

Guaranteed I’ve bought a new outfit for each of these occasions.

Which is stupid because people who like you, or want to like you don’t give a crap what you are wearing. And if you are hanging out with people who don’t already like you, or aren’t open to liking you then stop it. Seriously go to another party. One where the nice people are.

So why have I spent so much time and money buying things that let me ‘fit in’ at these things? Because fitting in is comfortable. We all want to do it, and we chase that feeling of being recogmnised and approved of by people we like. Except that when we wear things that don’t fit who we are we feel inauthentic and uncomfortable and people pick that up. Intellectually I know this - sadly it doesn't prevent me from shopping to fit in really regularly.

I can’t believe how many clothes I own that I’ve only worn once because they were bought for a particular occasion. Or how many occassions I have gone to essentially in disguise, robbing myself of self expression and potentially giving people completely the wrong impression about me.

This year not having the option of buying stuff for a particular event will be a gift. Hopefully 10 more months of not having the opportunity to 'dress up' as someone different will break me of the habit.

I really enjoy not being broke

I mean come on – if you are used to having nothing to spare it’s exciting to be able to waste money.

Matt & I have spent years, YEARS, struggling to pay our rent. Living in basements, and tiny scuzzy flats, living off chana masala and beans on toast. And we were happy enough. But suddenly over the last couple of years we’ve had a bit to spare.More than we need in fact.

And because I’ve never had anything to spare I don’t WASTE exactly. I pretty much exclusively buy in the sale or from charity shops. But it is fun not to have to worry about every penny spent and somehow this has gone from treating myself on occasion to consumption for it’s own sake. Because why wouldn't I buy that £6 tshirt, if I can afford it? What a giddy rush to be able to afford it! This kind of behaviour is not really ok, and if I’m going to do it, it should be on actual consumables like wine. Rather than stuff that I get guilt every time I look at.

I try to emulate people I admire by copying their style

Not deliberately but it definitely happens. I’ve lost count of the number of clothes I’ve passed on to the people I must have been thinking about when I bought them.

The thing is I might not have nailed down my personal style. But one thing I have  got nailed is my excellent taste in friends. There is not a single one of my friends who I am not immensely proud of and who I don’t want to emulate in some way.

I want to be:

• As considered as Cat,
• As empathic and spontaneous as Charlie,
• As emotionally intelligent as Chrissy,
• As nurturing as Kristin,
• As forthright as Racheal,
• As dryly funny as Sarah,
• As committed to decency and kindness as Ange,
• I want to be as overflowing with joy as Laura and Bob,
• As honest with myself as Jo,
• And I want Sean’s ability to get people to be their best selves around him, Donna’s creativity, Heather’s honesty and Hannah’s absolute commitment to being who she is.

I want all of these things. And my best chance of getting them is spending my time with these people – not trying to look like them.

Again – hopefully the next 10 months is long enough to learn this lesson.

Anyway – that’s what I’ve learnt about me. And I have 10 more months to keep on learning. So what does the way you shop say about you?

And as usual – for you rules checkers – here is what I’ve worn this week

Saturday (Day 64)

Sunday (Day 65)

Monday (Day 66)

Tuesday (Day 67)

Wednesday (Day 68)

Thursday (Day 69)

For clarification - one of my friends suggested it looked like I was doing something naughty here. I am not - I'm attempting to play a slide whistle.

Friday (Day 70)

Saturday (Day 71)

Getting grease stains out of a silk t-shirt

I think I've mentioned in a couple of blogs that I ruined my grey t-shirt quite early in the challenge.

At the age of 35 you would hope that I could eat a chicken without getting the skin on me. And if I can't live up to the standards of mess free eating expected of a 5 year old you'd at least hope I'd spot it soon enough to prevent permanent damage.

But nope on both counts.

I did manage to attach some greasy skin to my tshirt, and then popped it in the linen bin without noticing which meant it was a week before I realised my mistake. And in that week the grease and my t-sirt had a bit of a love affair, resulting in a grease stain right on the boob. Because of how pale this tshirt was this basically made the bloody thing unwearable - or at least unwearable to work. And what with only having 4 tshirts at the moment - I cannot afford for even 1 to be out of action.

So I asked around for getting rid of grease suggestions. I was kind of amazed at the response - some of my most unlikely friends had suggestions handed down from grandparents that they swore worked (and perhaps would have done on a less established stain). I tried pretty much everything suggested (except where some of my less trustworthy friends suggested that I just buy an identical new one - CHEATS). Unfortunately nothing worked.

So instead I dyed it.There are some super lovely dyed silk t-shirts out there - take this insanely expensive example from Harvey Nicks.


I considered trying to do this with mine - but honestly I can't risk ruining this tshirt so in the end I chickened out (see what I did there?). At went for a simple single colour dye job.

The whole thing took an hour and less than £10 of materials. 

So here's the stuff I used

First I had to dilute the dye

Then add it to salted water

Then add in the T-shirt for 60 minutes. Stirring loads.

Before

After!

I'm pretty pleased with the result. I actually prefer the new colour to the origianal. ( though predictably first time I wore it I spilt noodles down it but ho hum!)
























What this has taught me is that I either need to eat more carefully, or make a bib one of my items !

If you want to encourage me to keep going with this (I have 10 months left and as you can probably tell I'm super clumsy so this'll be a proper challenge!) you can sponsor me. It's for a very good cause!